Retail Peeves

Jul 16

GET OUT!

i hate you not JUST because you came in here 2 minutes before close AND stayed till 10 after.

I HATE YOU BECAUSE YOU LEFT A HUGE MESS IN THE 12 MINUTES YOU WERE HERE!!!!

it doesn’t make sense that you tried to rush out of the store because you “feel bad for keeping me here” …i now have to stay longer to tidy YOUR mess…

You don’t make sense….

Customer: do you have…………bees or musical notes?

Me: sorry what do you mean? on cards?

Customer: no like as gifts

Me: …..okayyy….what size are you looking for?

Customer: you know….like ….just to give….

(you didn’t answer my question!!!)

Me: ….okayyyyy……we have pins that you can put on your clothes and the next size up are glass figurines.

Customer: ok show me that one

Me: … sorry which one?

Customer: Both!

why are you asking then…?

Customer hands me a card

“how much is this?”

Me: $6.75

Customer: but i got it from the dollar box

Me:………………THEN its a dollar….!

May 12

Customer: Do you sell calendars?

Me: No, sorry.

Customer: what about 2012?

Me: ………….

Mar 01

Your bra is NOT a wallet.

Girl comes to cash (early twenties) about to pay for something …she can’t find her method of payment.

OH but of course! She remembers….”oh yeah, it’s here”

*pulls it out of her bra and hands it to me*

UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME, it was not a debit card.
Which means I couldn’t ask her to swipe it herself.

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PLEASE ladies… if your purse/wallet is too chunky and you don’t want to carry it around. GO INVEST IN A SMALLER ONE!!!!!!!!!!!! WE DON’T WANT TO BE SWIPING NO WARM AND SWEATY CREDIT CARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boob juices……………………that’s so nasty.
Gotta remind myself to bring Purel to work.

Jan 26

Being Chinese & working in a card store during Chinese New Years…

Customer shopping for a Chinese New Year card…

“Can you tell me what this card says?”

Me: No sorry I’m Vietnamese.

Jan 24

Throughout the shift I must get asked at least 2-4 times…

“How much are these candles?”

Me: $4.99

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Umm…that’s what the RED 8 1/2 BY 11 SIGN says!!!!!!!!!!

USE YOUR EYEBALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Know why I hate when there are sales in the store?

because people don’t know how to do math!!!!

“miss, how much is this?”

ME: I believe the tag says $24

“yes but it says it’s 75% off”

ME: yes.
(i’m not saying more. i want you to have to ask me what the answer is b/c i hope you will feel embarrassed.)

“…so how much is that?”

ME: 24 divided by 4 is 6. It’s $6 ma’am.

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FOR FUTURE REFERENCE:

if something is 75%, 80%, 85%, or 90% off
and it’s too difficult for you to calculate
because you can’t handle such big percentages…

WHY NOT TRY TO CALCULATE WHAT IS LEFT OF THE PRICE!!!!!!!

75 off = you are paying 25% (HINT: DIVIDE BY 4!!)

80 off = you are paying 20% (HINT: twice of 10%)

85 off = you are paying 15% (HINT: do 10% then + another half of that)

90 off = you are paying 10% (HINT: MOVE THE FRKN DECIMAL!!!!!!)

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I don’t know how people get by life not knowing how to do simple math…

Oct 30

Just stop speaking …please.

Lady comes from the boxed Christmas cards section around the corner….and asks…

“Are they ALL made in China?!”

…(takes me a second to respond because I am wondering how there is any possible way she can’t see that I AM CHINESE)…….then I can see it in her eyes….she realizes she just embarrassed herself like a stupid.

Me: “Yes ma’am all the boxed ones are made in China. If you prefer, the single ones are made in the States.”

“I mean they’re cheap ….I mean the price is good….but what happened to the UK and the US …..know what i mean? ….not that I have anything against China…..spread it around a little!”

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Yes, keep talking…let’s see how much of your own ass you can chew on.

Really? You think buying a handful of Christmas cards is going to make a difference towards anything? Yes, way to fight the Man you moron.

DO NOT knock on my glass counter like I am Lurch (Addams family) and I should come running when you ring.

IT IS NOT SOME MAKESHIFT DOORBELL!!

I SEE YOU!!! I am with another customer or dropping off some heavy shit RELAX AND WAIT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!!